Listen to the Silence of Your Non-Black Friends

We’ve all heard the sayings: “Everyone wants to be Black until it’s time to be Black” or “Everybody wants to be Black, but nobody wants to be Black” …or something along those lines. In times like this, we really get to experience the meaning of these phrases.

A few years ago, I made the conscious decision to dissociate myself from the white/non-black people of colour in my life who I noticed were enthusiastically down with the fun parts of black culture but who I would never hear express any sort of opinion over the injustice that is regularly suffered by the black community.

You know the ones… the ones who constantly use African-American vernacular, or, more recently, the slang used in Toronto and London created by lower-income Afro-Caribbean communities, but who grew up in a well-off majority white neighborhood.

The ones who think that because they have a few black friends and show up to black functions, they automatically have the right to go around saying “nigga,” and when they’re told by a black person that they can’t say it they use their favourite argument: “it’s just a word.”

The ones whose playlists are full of dancehall and afrobeats. The ones who swear that they live and breathe hip-hop music, but who dismiss the origins of the genre.

(Often, these ones want to say “nigga” too.)

Many white people use hip hop music & hip hop culture, both of which were built on the struggles/experiences of black people, to build themselves a career/lifestyle that is not even afforded to the very people that started the genre. Speak up. Recognize your privilege & use it.

— BIJAN AMIR. (@bijxnamir) May 28, 2020

The non-black women who “only date”… ok let’s call it what it is… fetishize black men, and who may eventually become the parents of black children.

Yes, those ones. I’ll admit, in my teens and early twenties, I was surrounded by people like this… and I allowed it. Having been around more white and non-black POC than black people growing up, I definitely wanted to find ways to fit in.

I thought having these people integrate themselves into my culture, while I downplayed other aspects of my culture, (i.e., the racism) would make my blackness more palatable to them. I knew white girls who openly expressed that they only date black men, and I thought nothing of it. I have, one time in my life, given a non-black person the pass to say “nigga,” and that moment of weakness on my part still disgusts me to this day.

Today, you will not find me calling people like this friends, and it’s one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. However, I still have them on social media because I’m nosey. A lot of them will regularly post themselves whenever they hang out with their Black friends or have the lyrics to the newest trap song as their Instagram caption, but you’ll never see them post actual injustice in the community, and this past month has made that clearer than ever.

do not claim you’re an ally if you’re only an ally when it’s trending, or when it won’t effect your day to day life.

— sarah lugor! (@sarahlugor) May 28, 2020

I don’t care if your excuse is that you don’t get involved with politics. You can’t pick and choose what part of blackness that you want to participate in. If you’re down with Black culture, you have to be down with ALL of black culture – the good and the bad.

If you have love for the black community, then you must also actively understand the politics that we go through, because guess what? Your homeboy who you hang out with every weekend? He could have been Ahmaud Arbery. Your black boyfriend? He could have been George Floyd. Your cute biracial daughter? She could have been Breonna Taylor.

Black people: consider the people you keep in your circle. How do they recognize your blackness? Do they understand the different experiences you go through? Have they ever shown interest in your culture outside of the entertainment and clout?

Non-black people: I’m not asking you to be on the front lines of riots or protests (I’m not). If you’re the type to not post on social media, I’m not even asking you to break your habits and repost everything you see with the hashtag #blacklivesmatter (please don’t).

But when something huge happens in the black community and you’re still posting photos of your dinner, basic relatable memes and Nicki Minaj lyrics like it’s just another day, despite your constant consumption of blackness, that’s a problem.

I just want to see that same energy you have for trap music put into supporting the end of police brutality and racial injustice. Even the most infamous culture vultures, the Kardashians, though not always perfect, are now publicly expressing their outrage and regularly showing support. Use your voice, and if you don’t know where to start, check up on your black friends and hear them out.

If only black people were loved as much as they love our black culture. Smh

— Evss👼🏽 (@evssofficial_) May 28, 2020

For all my non-black friends advocating for black lives – I see you, I appreciate you and I thank you.

I’m thankful for all the black people who have successfully filmed their altercations as evidence in favor of their innocence.

Finally, to those who didn’t make it… Rest In Power to Ahmaud Arbery, George Floyd, Breonna Taylor, Regis Korchinski-Paquet and the countless others who have lost their lives to police brutality. We’ve never needed martys.